I won't back down
by AwesomeVertigo
Summary: AU [Lucifer/Sam Winchester] (Violence, Sex, character development, angst, smut)     Sam took a deep breath and tried to hold himself back, but he didn't try hard enough. His eyes started to fill up with tears, his breath got harder and harder and he started to shiver. This gift was more than just a necklace. It was a goodbye.


His cold gazing eyes kept the eye-contract with his brother who was sitting in front of him. His insecure eyes kept staring back at him, there was nothing to say. No sentences to say. No words to share. The guilt and the sadness weighted like a weight on the moment and everyone knew what was happening, but no one wanted to say anything.

Dean knew that he should say something, just something to calm his little brother, but he really did not know what he could say. There was nothing. He couldn't even say something if he really would like to. This big feeling of sadness, of guilt built up inside of him and he tried to swallow it. But even trying to swallow the guilt would not let it disappear. It was inside of him, since the moment he knew what was coming. But actually he had no intension to change it. He knew it was wrong, but what could he do against it anyway? Nothing.

Without saying anything he got something out of his old jacket. He bought it days ago, just for this moment. Just for Sam. Just to give him something he could hold on to. So that he would never forget his elderly brother. So that Sam would always remember, that someone was still thinking of him. That someone out there would never forget him. It would be the last thing he could ever give to Sam and Dean knew that perfectly well.  
He reached out to the middle of the table and put down a necklace with a single barely coloured stone. Then he leant back in his chair and continued looking at Sam.  
He could see the confusion of Sam, how he started to think about that little gift. He knew that Sam always wanted to have something from him, because they had not much money. That was the reason why Dean could never buy nice things for Sam even if he wanted to.

The younger brother kept staring at the necklace and then his eyes went back up to Dean. Sam took a deep breath and tried to hold himself back, but he didn't try hard enough. His eyes started to fill up with tears, his breath got harder and harder and he started to shiver. This gift was more than just a necklace. It was a goodbye. Dean never bought him something that he did that now was just because Sam would leave. There was no maybe anymore, there was no saving. There was just the goodbye.

Why was it happening to him? Why him? Why now? So many questions were in his head, but no one would ever give him the answer. He asked those questions plenty of times, but never did someone respond. Not Dean. Not John. Both cloaked themselves in secrecy and Sam stopped asking at some point. He knew that it was happening and he knew perfectly well why it was happening. But still, he wanted to know why it was him who should suffer and swallow all the pain.

Dean watched how Sam put on the necklace, how the tears ran down the pale face of the 16 year old boy and he couldn't bear it anymore. Seeing Sam crying was always the thing that broke his heart. And it was wrong just to sit there and staring at each other. Maybe it was okay if Sam was a stranger, but this little boy with the old clothes and the unkempt hair was his brother.

So he stood up and walked to his baby brother, pulled him up on his feet and wrapped him into a hug. Softly he pushed Sam against his chest, laid down one of his hands in the fluffy hair of Sam. And now tears ran down Dean's face as well. This was the last time he would hug Sam. The last time where he would feel the soft hair and the last time he would have Sam around himself. It scared Dean what was happening. He did nothing to stop it. What was happening to him? Why did he not do anything to save Sam from his death?  
"I am scared." Sam whimpered and snuggled into Dean's chest, tears still running down his cheeks.  
"I know." Was the only thing Dean could say without sounding more insecure than he already was.

Both of them stood there for some moments. Actually there were just seconds left, before John would come in and take Sam away. But Sam wished this moment to last forever. He never wanted to go away from Dean, from John, from his little family. That was everything he wanted. He just wanted to stay. He wanted to help Dean outside. He wanted to make bad jokes with his elderly brother and he did not want to die. He would always die for Dean, of course but this was something else. Dean was not in danger but he had to do that for him. So Sam stopped to protest, but he hoped for Dean. He hoped that he would safe him, but the older man did obviously not have the intention to safe Sam. He already gave him a goodbye gift.

"It's time." John interrupted the brothers and grabbed Sam's arm, dragged him away from Dean.  
"No!" Sam sobbed in pain. "Please! I want to stay!" he looked right in Dean's eyes. He was begging. Begging Dean to stop John doing this but Dean just turned around not able to bear the weight of this moment. He could not bear looking at the begging eyes of Sam.

**"****Goodbye Sammy."**


End file.
